Optical Illusion

You're rushing toward the light
Believing there is something better
Than what you have right here
In a life based on altruism
It is astonishing that you fail to consider
Those you leave behind
In all ways you are fearless
Do not be fearless in this

Don't greet death with a kiss
Invite it to dinner
To feast on your Country Roses
And sup with your despair
There is nothing sadder than a life unlived
A family torn by apathy and indifference
No reason to believe
That light outshines this darkness

So what if there are gold streets, living waters
And angelic songs
There is still no guarantee
That faith ends in glorious reward
It seems so irresponsible to squander health
And not be grateful for gifts already bestowed
Five bright spots in an otherwise regretful story
Stand here beside you, praying for the best

I know that heaven, with all its attractions
Eternity with your Creator
And promises of peace beckons you at every turn
Please postpone your journey
As this one is not yet done
I'm not ready to lose you
My friend and my pillar
To infirmity and carelessness

It cannot be the will of God
For you to sacrifice yourself
When provision was already made
For you to be in health and prosper
Step away from the funhouse mirror
The illusion that proclaims
That another plane of existence
Is better than the regard I have for you
Right here

An Invocation for Beginnings by ZE Frank

“Don’t call it a comeback I’ll have hair for years. I’m scared. I’m scared that my abilities are gone.

I’m scared that I’m gonna f*ck this up.  And I’m scared of you.

I don’t wanna start but I will. This is an invocation for anyone who hasn’t begun.

Who’s stuck in a terrible place between zero and 1.

Let me realize that my past failures in follow through are no indication of my future performance,

They are just healthy little fires that are gonna warm up my a$$

If my FILDI is strong let me keep him in a velvet box until I really really need him

If my FILDI is weak let me feed him oranges and not let him gorge himself on ego and arrogance

Let me not hit up my facebook like it’s a crack pipe

Keep the browser closed

If I catch myself wearing a tootoo – too fat too late too old

Let me shake it off like a donkey would shake off something it doesn’t like

And when I get that feeling in my stomach, you know that feeling when all of a sudden you get a ball of energy and it shoots down into your legs and up into your arms and it tells you get up and stand up and go to the refrigerator and get a cheese sandwich?  That’s my cheese monster talking and my cheese monster will never be satisfied by cheddar – only the cheese of accomplishment.

Let me think about the people who I care about the most and how when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them.  Let me extend that generosity to myself. 

Let me find and use metaphors to help me understand the world around me and give me the strength to get rid of them when it is apparent they no longer work. 

Let me thank the parts of me that I don’t understand or are out of my rational control, like my creativity and my courage.  And let me remember that my courage is like a wild dog and won’t just come when I call it.  I have to chase it down and hold on as tight as I can. 

Let me not be so vain to think that I’m the sole author of my victories and a victim of my defeats.

Let me remember that the unintended meaning that people project onto what I do is neither my fault or something that I can take credit for.

Perfectionism may look good in his shiny shoes but he’s a little bit of an a$$hole and no one invites him to their pool parties.

Let me remember that the impact of criticism is often not the intent of the critic.  But when the intent is evil, that’s what the block button’s for.  But when I eat my critique let me be able to separate out the good advice from the bitter herbs.

Let me not think of my work only as a stepping stone to something else.  And if it is, let me become fascinated with the shape of the stone.

Let me take the idea that has gotten me this far and put it to bed.  What I’m about to do will not be that but it will be something.

There is no need to sharpen my pencils anymore, my pencils are sharp enough – even the dull ones will make a mark.  Warts and all, let’s start this shit up.  And God let me enjoy this!  Life isn’t just a sequence of waiting for things to be done.”

ashow.zefrank.com

Banana Face

You make me so happy
Each time you say something I would say
And especially something I wouldn't
Or tell me you love me when I'm being silly
It is awesome that a long walk and wildflowers
Is all it takes to bring us together
I am more proud of you than anything else in this life
You are amazing in each and every way
Your sense of humor
Care for others
And sense of self
Bless me like nothing else
There is simply nothing better than being your Mom

Which rights will you exclude?

Recent comments by Kirk Cameron, Rush Limbaugh and MANY celebrities weighing in on the issue of homosexuality and birth control got me thinking.  It is very important to separate these issues from religious doctrine.  Who a person sleeps with is simply none of mine, or anyone else's business.  It is simply not good manners to discuss or display such things.  They are private and intimate.  To me, this discussion is inappropriate.  I believe in equal rights for ALL people in ALL circumstances, from ALL walks of life with no regard to race, creed, religion, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, political affiliation, favorite color, type of car they drive, type of house they live in, whether or not they pop pills, deserve grace, are a convicted felon, have ever had an impure thought or been a complete angel.  Rights are definite and specific.  They do not change because of who someone is.  Granted, what someone does in the context of breaking laws can limit their rights, but that is of their own volition.  I have the right to pursue my dreams, believe what I want, protect myself and insist on basic human dignity and respect from others.  I believe that that has been tested over time in a million ways but the fact remains that because I am a living, breathing, human organism, I am entitled to what every other human organism deserves.  I have no issues with any person celebrating the rights I have for one reason.  I will treat you as I want to be treated, which in fact, happens to be a biblical principle.  I don't want anyone to tell me who I can marry, how I can worship, or what I can do with my body.  Those things are gracefully given to me to decide.  The church has forgotten the basic tenets of love in favor of judgment.  Judgment is God's job.

As far as contraception goes, and whether or not it should be provided for free - please educate yourself on how the rights of women have been overlooked and violated since before and after suffrage.  Why shouldn't contraception be provided for women who can't afford it?? Would you provide them with medication to prevent heart disease, seizures, diabetes, etc?  Your response may be that pregnancy is preventable by abstinence so it is different.  Aren't heart disease and diabetes largely preventable?  Yet you'd have no problem providing those for free to someone who is indigent.  When did it become acceptable to not care about a whole person and only consider certain parts?  Again, it is important not to force one's views.  Everyone is at a different stage and level of understanding in their walk.  The most important thing is to love them through each and every step.

Just my two cents.  Perhaps, the only "Change" we need.

Live YOUR Life!!!

I took a vacation day yesterday and relaxed.  After a great breakfast and walking the trail I got to see "Act of Valor".  It was a good movie and I appreciated that they didn't try to make some huge political statement, they simply showed what the Seals go through and the sacrifices they make.  This quote by Tecumseh was in the movie and it really touched me.  This is how I hope to live my life.

"Live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart.
Trouble no one about his religion.
Respect others in their views and demand that they respect yours.
Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life.
Seek to make your life long and of service to your people.
Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.
Always give a word or sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend,
or even a stranger, if in a lonely place.
Show respect to all people, but grovel to none.
When you rise in the morning, give thanks for the light,
for your life, for your strength.
Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living.
If you see no reason to give thanks, the fault lies in yourself.
Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools
and robs the spirit of its vision.
When your time comes to die,
be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death,
so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time
to live their lives over again in a different way.
Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home."

2010

by Rachel Vilencia on Sunday, January 3, 2010 at 8:56am

I will speak words that build instead of destroy.
Shake off the past and construct the future.
Be the example of what I want to see in others.
Settle for nothing less than the best.
I will wait.
I will listen.
I will love.
Press in to things of value.
Shun excess and welcome substance.
Get lost in the happiness of others.
Celebrate my daughter's laugh.
Wander aimlessly on purpose.
Forgive to be free.
Work harder than ever before.
Focus on positive things.
Remember to whom I belong.
Align myself with excellence.
Abandon insecurities.
Give like I have it all.
Party like it's 1999.
Spend time with those that truly love me.
Travel.
Appreciate the beauty and art in this world every moment.
Love my family.
Pray for those that hurt me.

A Victim of My Own Optimism

by Rachel Vilencia on Thursday, July 15, 2010 at 9:42am

I am reading "Eat, Pray, Love" and am blessed by her wisdom...


"I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism."


"In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place."


"Look for God. Look for God like a man with his head on fire looks for water."


"I want God to play in my bloodstream the way sunlight amuses itself on the water."


"Prayer is a relationship; half the job is mine. If I want transformation, but can't even be bothered to articulate what, exactly, I'm aiming for, how will it ever occur? Half the benefit of prayer is in the asking itself, in the offering of a clearly posed and well-considered intention. If you don't have this, all your pleas and desires are boneless, floppy, inert; they swirl at your feet in a cold fog and never lift."

and my favorite....


"If I am truly to become an autonomous woman, then I must take over that role of being my own guardian...I not only have to become my own husband, but I need to be my own father, too."
— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia)

Can I get an Amen? Apologies, Acceptances and Aggravations

by Rachel Vilencia on Sunday, September 19, 2010 at 10:10pm

Two months ago, I was suffering from a broken heart. I saw potential in a relationship that was so out of order it was scary, when it ended, I was devastated. I wanted so badly to feel love and be emotionally attached to someone after the difficult year I had had. Nevermind that the difficult year was the direct result of another out of order relationship that ended in divorce. Since 2004 I have been walking through life making decisions based on what felt right at the time or met my physical or emotional needs.

The biggest problem with living that way is that human beings need balance. There was nothing, and I mean nothing, filling my spirit. I know...you may be thinking that I'm crazy for feeling that way or you may see no need for tending to your spirit. We're talking about me here, so keep up. I know I need it, because I know how the absence of it affects every cell, every thought, every decision and every relationship I try to construct out of temporary things.

So, back to the issue at hand. There I am, broken hearted, sobbing uncontrollably. For the record, I don't have one of those pretty, one teardrop falls, sad doe- eyed cries. When I cry my chest hurts, I am a terrible snotty mess. So I'm crying and as vividly as you are reading this I felt an urgency. I should love God this way, not this man. I should care so much about my relationship with God that I would be willing to weep for it, to try for it, to nurture it, to provide for it, to cherish it, to protect it, to love it - more than myself or anyone else. I have neglected the first and most important relationship in my life and tried to fill that gap with work, inappropriate relationships, and anything else I could get myself into. Thankfully I have never used a drug and was protected from going that far.

Over the last 7 months or so I had been bombarded with opportunities to learn this lesson and make some things right. I didn't take them. Honestly, I was having fun dating and falling "in love". Guess what....THERE IS NO TRUE REAL LOVE WITHOUT UNDERSTANDING LOVE FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR CREATOR. Yep, I typed it. Read it again. Now I know statements like that set me up for some eye rolling, maybe even a few snide comments and to that I say "Bring It". I know what I need. I know what is right for me. I know that I had to share this because it has been revolutionary in my life. I share it not to influence anyone, only to give praise for what making that change has brought to my peace of mind, my level of joy and my level of expectation in this life.

I just left a great job. A job I loved so much that performing it effectively meant neglecting my relationship with Hannah. I left a great deal of financial security and emotional support. I am figuring out that what truly means something to me in this life is not money. Sure money is great and it helps us to accomplish so many things, but when I die I will not say that I wish I had worked more or had more money. I will say that I wish I had just one more minute with those I love, especially my daughter. I live two miles from Shannon who has been one of my biggest suppporters and encouragers for 21 years. She has a wonderful family that blesses me daily just by spending time with them - and the food is great too :) I am part of a great church, full of people who understand the value of corporate worship and encouragement. I am blessed, far more richly than ever before.

I am back doing what I was called and meant to do. You may not know this but I was in ministry over the years. I have been a worship leader and a youth pastor. The lives I came in contact with and the people I was allowed to know and to bless continue to encourage me to this day and have sustained me through some very difficult times.

What I have had to admit to myself is that my wounds were self inflicted. It would be great to blame someone else for my pain but the truth is I knew what was right and what was wrong to do. I know, and knew what decisions were best and took the easy road instead of standing my ground. I did what I wanted to at the time, with no thought of the outcome or lasting effects of those decisions. I have left many people in the wake of those choices and to you I am sorry. If I ever left you shaking your head and thinking "What the heck is she doing this for?" rest assured that I fully comprehend my idiocy! :)

Daily I am reminded of God's amazing love for me, His amazing tolerance, His amazing gracefulness and patience. If you have ever thought that God doesn't care for you let me assure you He does. I am a hot mess and He cares for me. Thank you for reading this, for laughing and joking with me on this wonderful connector called Facebook. I appreciate all of you in the most amazing ways. Nothin' but love!!!!! Remind me who I am if I slip and try not to judge me too harshly, we all fall short and at 5'6" I'm barely breaking average ;P