You

Inseparable finally
Recycled, one flesh
Yet it still feels exciting and new

To see you over me
Catch a glimpse of the way
Your heart takes me in all at once

You never give up
Till you get what you want
And want me is all that you do

I'll follow you anywhere
Just lead and I'll go
My Love, My Only, My You

One Road

The road before you was long
Full of disappointment and pain
Then it led me to you

We walked it for a while
On opposite sides
Always trying to meet in the middle

So it divided
Down a lonely path
To show us where stubborn pride leads

It brought us back
To a new starting point
Facing the same direction
And at last, two become one

Mile Marker 203

breaking down
every other minute
exhausted
spent

these things happen to "them"
not us, and I'm finding it hard
to understand
this

I just keep scratching
my way up faith's hill
believing
in spite

there must be purpose
in all of this madness
or perhaps I need it to be
so much

if the plans you have for me
mean this
then I hope that I'm saved for something
great

it seems the casualties of this war
are too many
though the blessings still
outweigh

so forgive me when I
break down here
and it appears that I lose
sight

I guess this is when
you'll have to carry me
for I haven't got the
strength

The Faithful Departed

Could we freeze a moment in time?
Could it be the last time I held you?

You always did want to do things first
Always pushed the boundaries set

'Tis only fitting that you
Would feel an angel's wings before me

As I sat and heard tales from others
Of what your time on this earth did mean

I am sad to be left with but memories
Only to wonder what I missed

You were loaned but a moment
Now safe from all grief and all pain

So here's to my faithful departed

My Kristy, larger than this life could contain

Krissers

There is something beautiful
In your unabashed honesty
Your willingness to be raw
Middle child with issues on display
You made us pay attention
Dimples and all, Any time you were in pain
I mourn the loss of all that's you
Two toned eyes, angelic face, and
Ever morphing hair
The memories are not sufficient
As it seems there are not enough
There should be more, Now you're not there
I love you - Every part
It is just so hard
But you never did it easy
Oh no
You lived this life with no regard
So I'm left with the eyes of your children
The legacy we hold
And I wonder if your story
Is ever sufficiently told
No good bye to the rose bearer
Who always felt the thorns
I pray the ship you're on now
Takes you to an ever peaceful shore
Where Krissy-pins abound
In a place called Canadarin
Where God needs help off buildings
And joy never ends

Knockout

you knock me out with your frigid blue eyes
knock me sideways with your handsome smile
you knock me up with your relentless love

knock knock you're there
knocking down the hardness in my heart
knocking over my false impressions of you

knocking my socks right off
you knock around the clock
knocking me around punch drunk full of you

you're a knockout
my love
my life
I'll spend knocking around with you

Dwelling Place

Love is a decision
A calculated risk
It promises no matter what
I will walk with you through this

Love is a commitment
That together you will pass the test
The arrows from life's quiver
Will pierce but never best

Love is more than promises
Starry eyes and bouts of sweat
It is present in times of nothingness
Through troubles trials and regret

Love is what I am for you
A place of caring and of rest
In the safety of eachother
We never could have guessed

Love is all I want from you
While walking by my side
No greater joy is possible
If in love you do reside

Hits

The hits
They keep coming
Before we can kneel to stand
The chasm
Of death surrounding
Super sinking quicksand

Yet somehow hope
A pinprick of light
Manages to come through
As the hits
And their destruction
Leave us black and blue

The reaper shows his form
Forces us to withstand the blows
Thrown like sicles at our feet
But the contusions will heal
As all things do mend
When we accept defeat

Acceptance follows pain
Joy will follow grief
And the hits they keep re-fisting
The Victrola set to stun
But we still dance
And soldier on anti-war enlisting

Hear our cry Oh God
See our steadfast march
And note the stoic form
Send a Comforter to wage it for us
Encourage healing and protect
As our faith finds strength to be reborn

Priceless

I don't know how to let you go
Or how to feel without you here
I always believed I'd see you whole
I am amazed by your lack of fear

You are everything a young man should be
Kind strong and good
I don't know how our family will make it
No family ever should

I miss your smile,I see it always
And believe you're here somehow
I wish I could pick on you one more time
I hope you're holding our baby Brooke now

You were more than just a cousin
I have held you in my heart
You were like my own son
From all others set apart

I will miss you until I see you
Every minute, every day
I wish I could just tell you
How proud I am to say

You are such a fighter
Yet so gentle and unassuming
I can't stop all this crying
This grief is all consuming

You are priceless, Sweet Christopher
From the day that you were born
As we honor you and prepare you
To tread a path undeservedly well-worn

Consolation

No one wins
When no one plays fair
And admits when they are wrong

No one sees
The pain they cause
When singing their own painful song

No one loves
As good as they do
When the one they love is finally lost

No one knows
How it could have turned out
When no one can accept the cost

Daisy

This ridiculous beast
Hairy and white
Sleeps on my pillow
When I am not watching

She sheds on my carpet
In my car and my house
And bellows for me to
Take her walking

She loves me at all times
She's happy to see me
Wags her body
And gives me a smile

I never knew a person
Could love a beast so much
Or take such liking to a furball
and regard as a child

Finely

We have diced it up
Pulverized it
Hit puree and stuck in a hand

I can't keep blaming you
And blaming myself
It just is what it is

How many times must we say the same words?
Are we thinking the meanings will change?
Maybe if we played them backwards...

There have never been kisses
More sweet and never have tears
Fallen more bitterly

No matter how much anger
How many broken promises
I still need to know you're ok

So we re-hash
Rip off the band aid
And chop up our hearts again - finely

Wildflowers

the bonnets blue
call me to walk in the fields
paint with brushes
and the roses are prim

threads of green
drink cups of wine
as prickled poppies
dance in the wind

nightshades in silver
yarrow and flax
phlox of drummond and
a daisy called engelmann

they call forth the spring
wild sages in blue
court larkspur and reach
for the heavens

Trapped

My choices
Have rendered me helpless
Unable to do what I wish

I feel stifled
Immobile
And completely at risk

Why did I put myself
My life
In harms way?

I can't breathe
Can't rest
Can't do what I want with my day

Boxed in
No freedom
No power at all

I need peace
I need a break
I need not to feel so small

A Mile in His Shoes - for Chris

He's been in a bed for months
And I take for granted, every step I take

He's been fighting his body
Ferociously for every cell

He looks different
More mature, more aware

He understands how precious life is
And I'm ashamed to squander mine

He inspires me to keep fighting
For what I know has meaning

He didn't want to be my hero this way
And I would take it on if I could

He just wants everyone to understand
What it would be like to walk a mile in his shoes

He will come through
And I will be glad that he supplies me with such hope

Strength

by Rachel Vilencia 2/17/12

Leaning

Away from the beach

Bent

Crooked

And close

Reminds me

Of home

Salty air

Sandy feet

A lonely pier

Tear stained cheeks

Peacefulness

The coastal oak

Strong

As it bends

To withstand

The wind

Inadequate

2/24/12 by Rachel Vilencia

I'd let you use me
But I'm all used up
It seems I've lost myself again
To the vain and self served

I had a decent heart once
One that believed in sacrifice
Now it suffers the numbness
Of apathy and rejected love

Your impatience
Insistence
and pride
force me away

You demand attention
Repect
and love
that I can barely find

So now I have only to gather
A way to love myself
Because I find you inadequate
In the most important of ways

Mediocre Melodies

8/18/03 Rachel K Zachary

no original thoughts in my mind today
nothing profound or new

no real opinions drawn
nothing ventured
nothing gained

mostly just the clutter of this
ordinary life

work sleep eat pray
laugh cry wait

where song once resounded
only mediocre melodies now play

Bitter Pill

Written some time in 2003 by Rachel Vilencia

This wound is deeper
Than any I have felt
I'm not quite sure of what to do

Is silence better?
Or do I explode
Allowing emotion to overtake me

Am I closer to God
or farther away
Have I gained a friend and lost my heart

Or found my heart
and lost my friend
Frustration seems to mount

Warm tears
Cold heart
Aching thoughts

A bitter pill
This wound too deep
As silence grows

And I shrink into myself
Alone and more afraid of the answer
Than the question

Alone

by Rachel Vilencia 5/23/11

Alone
Much worse than lonely
Stumbling without sight
Groping at forever moving objects
Feeling no relief
Like the proverbial itch
I must scratch
At the surface
Then go deep
To find out what is missing
Or if fulfillment can be reached
Is it possible I'm missing nothing
Just the guilt of disbelief
Spoon-feeding proven unsubstantial
More questions spring form inadequate answers
On this journey of blind faith
All I want is to see